AWESOME RANDOM CLICHÉS!
by pshhhh yeahh
Summary: Tired of those overused couples? Are some shippings just totally, and completely, absurd? Then this is the place for you!
1. HxHr

**AWESOME RANDOM CLICHÉS!**

**I'm baaaack :D Miss me? This just popped into my head, and I had to write it down.**

**Like it? Tell me in a review, please! Don't like it? Tell me in a review, please!**

**Let's get this party started!!**

Harry x Hermione

HARRY: Oh My Dumbledore, I feel sexually repressed. Ginny isn't giving me ANY!

HERMIONE: HARRY! Want to come to my house for a sleepover?!

HARRY: Is it okay with your long-term boyfriend, and my best friend since, like, forever, Ron?

HERMIONE: Who's gonna tell?

HARRY: I'M IN!

-at Hermione's house, in her bedroom-

HERMIONE: I can't believe my strict, no-nonsense parents allowed me to have a boy sleep over in my room.

HARRY: OMD! Your room is pink!

HERMIONE: So?

HARRY: This changes everything I see in you! I love you!

HERMIONE: Even though you are like my brother, and I, like, only see you in that way, I suddenly find that I am attracted to you as well!

HARRY: Let's make out!

-they make out-

RON: -randomly shows up- What the Voldemort?! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!?!

HERMIONE: Ron, I don't, like, love you anymore! I love Harry!

HARRY: Sorry, mate.

RON: That's ok. I'm going to go back to Lavender, even though she has major anger issues, and gets jealous over the littlest things. Or maybe I'll comfort Ginny, even though that's incest.

CROOKSHANKS: Now everyone's happy!

EVERYONE: YAY!


	2. HxD

Harry x Draco

DRACO: I get too many women coming after me. I'm in the mood for something new...

HARRY: -passing by- Hey, everybody! I just recently figured out I'm gay!

EVERYONE: OMD!

DRACO: This is good news for me, since, as you can see from the bulge in my pants, that I am suddenly and irrevocably attracted to you!

HARRY: ROCK!

-they do some fierce making out in the hallways-

STUDENTS: That... is... HOT!

FACULTY: QUEEROSEXUALS! DIE, DIE!!

HARRY: -hisses like a snake- Like, HISS!

DRACO: That just turns me on more, baby!

HERMIONE: For the love of Snape, get a room!

DRACO: -shifty eyes-

HARRY: -shiftier eyes-

HERMIONE: Lord.

-Draco and Harry go off to an unused classroom-

DRACO: What do we do now?

HARRY: OH! Magically impregnate me, even though I have no reproductive organs essential for a baby to survive inside of me!

DRACO: Let's do it!

HARRY: -is suddenly pregnant-

RON: That is just sick, man.

DRACO: Can you hiss some more?

HARRY: HISS!

DRACO: Still ohso hot.

BABY: -is born- Goo.

DRACO: It's a girl! Even though our family records show that no girls have been born in our family for a really really long time!

GINNY: I happened, didn't I?

HARRY: GINNY! I suddenly love you again. Sorry Draco. You can keep the change. -hands over baby and skips into sunset with Ginny-

DRACO: WTV?

GINNY: Did you learn any sick moves while you were a homo?

**REVIEW! If you have any ideas that you would like me to do, or you have something written, or whatever, PM me and I'll be happy to use it, with credit going to you, of course ;D**


	3. SrxR

Sirius x Remus

SIRIUS: Hey! I'm, like, alive!

REMUS: Like, OMD! It's a miracle!

SIRIUS: So... wanna do it?

REMUS: Wha-?

SIRIUS: Weeeeell... Since the almighty JK Rowling has never really said anything about my past love interests, many fangirls and boys have decided to make me gay, instead of creating a creative female creation of their own for me to bang!

REMUS: Um, erm, ah... I'm supposed to be in love with Tonks...

SIRIUS: I'll let you be on top.

REMUS: LET'S DO IT!

-Remus and Sirius get busy-

TONKS: WTV?! Why the Pigwidgeon are you screwing around with a man who should be dead?!

REMUS: But he's not dead!

TONKS: Oh, okay!

HERMIONE: That makes no fucking sense!

SIRIUS: Everybody get out of here, so we can have some Animagus-werewolf sex!

-They continue their Animagus-werewolf sex-

HARRY: My dad would be ashamed...

**Howdy! This is short, I know, but there's really nothing **_**too**_** bad about Sirius/Remus, except that it's way overly used (hence **_**cliché**_**). Anyway, review, please!**

**And thanks to everyone who has reviewed already!**


	4. BxV

**Specially for you, Maar:)**

Bella x Voldie

BELLATRIX: I'm alone with the Dark Lord! Finally! Dreams do come true!

VOLDEMORT: Dude... your hair is, like, alive...

BELLA'S HAIR: Whoa, check us out! Watch us frizz!

BELLATRIX: I'm so in love with you!

VOLDEMORT: Eh. I know.

RUDOLPHUS: OH WIFEY! I don't mind you cheating on me, AT ALL, so go ahead and mess around with Voldie.

BELLATRIX: Yummy!

VOLDEMORT: What the me?! I'm an evil git who has no soul left, I'm pretty much not human, why the Arthur Weasley would you be in love with me, woman?

BELLATRIX: Um... I don't know.

VOLDEMORT: I mean, you do have a husband. I just can't-

BELLATRIX: AVADA KEDAVRA!

RUDOLPHUS: -is dead-

VOLDEMORT: ...

BELLATRIX: Love me!

VOLDEMORT: Kay.

-They get it on-

NAGINI: Like, ew.

-at Hogwarts-

HARRY: -visions- MY EYES! MY EYES!

**Haha, enjoy Maar ;P**


	5. DxHr

Draco x Hermione

DUMBLEDORE: I'm making you two Head boy and girl, so don't, you know, fall in love and stuff.

DRACO: Mudblood!

HERMIONE: Arrogant prick!

-three days later-

HERMIONE: I'm totally backstabbing my best friends in the universe when I say this, but I love you!

DRACO: I'm going against everything I believe, and am probably risking being disowned by my father, but I love you too!

HERMIONE: And I'm just gonna forget the past six years of you being a totally asshole, because you say you've changed your ways!

DRACO: ROCK!

-they make out-

HARRY AND RON: WTV?!

HERMIONE: Well, um, you see, I, like, love him now. So he's accepted into our clique, right?

HARRY: Yeah, sure. All past grudges gone.

RON: Hell no!

DRACO: Listen, Ron, I love Hermione. No hard feelings, right?

RON: I'm gonna go off myself!

HERMIONE: Let's not go to drastic measures...

RON: -offs himself-

DUMBLEDORE: Poor chap.

**Oh, man. I greatly dislike Draco/Hermione. Eh, scratch that. I HATE them together! Hermione belongs with Ron and Draco belongs with a bottomless pit! Ha!**

**Please review!**


	6. HrxSn

Hermione x Snape

-Potions class-

SNAPE: Time for a really uber hard question! Now...

HERMIONE: Sir, you have some dirt on your nose...

SNAPE: DETENTION!

HERMIONE: Crap.

-after class-

HARRY: Oh, man, Hermione's first detention. That sucks.

RON: Wasn't there something very familiar about what she said to Snape? It was like deja vu or something...

HARRY: Didn't she say that to you when you first met?

RON: Oh, wow, yeah. Hope that doesn't foreshadow any unrequited love or something like that.

-long pause-

HARRY AND RON: Nah!

-Snape's room-

HERMIONE: Sir, sorry about the derogatory comment, it's just, uh, well, um...

SNAPE: Shut up. I love you.

HERMIONE: Well, you see, erm, ah- What?

SNAPE: Yeah. Even though I'm you're teacher, and old enough to be your father, I love you.

HERMIONE: So... that would make you a pedaphile?

SNAPE:...Yes.

HERMIONE: Rock. I feel so hardcore, breaking the law!

SNAPE: What are you rambling about?

HERMIONE: I love you too!

SNAPE: You're willing to get past my stuck-up attitude, the way I hate kids, how I'm still in love with Harry Potter's mother, and the fact that I don't shower?

HERMIONE: You bet! I love my men dirty!

SNAPE: All right!

-they get freaky in the dungeons-

HARRY: -coming in- Left my books- HOLY PATRONUS! WTV?!

HERMIONE: Oh, _Sevie_...!

SNAPE: A point to Gryffindor for every time you say that!

HARRY: Why the Errol are you getting freaky in the dungeons with SNAPE, Hermione?!

HERMIONE: Well, I, like, love him. So get over it.

HARRY: -vomits-

SNAPE: Ignore him, my sweet. Let's elope, and move to the States! I hear they allow a forty year old and a seventeen year old to be together!

HERMIONE: Let's do it!

RON: Uh... what?

**Ick. I hate HermionexSnape as much as HermionexDraco. He's, like... **_**gross**_**. Ew.**

**Anyway, review please! Sorry about the long update, I was really sick and stuck in college stuff... Now I'm off to work on my other stories. **


	7. RxL

**This one is way overused.**

Ron x Luna

RON: Bloody hell...

HERMIONE: What is it, Ronald?

RON: Look at Luna Lovegood! She's so hot and sweet and caring...

HERMIONE: Um, I'm RIGHT HERE you dunce!

RON: Hey, Luna!

LUNA: There are nargles about...

RON: What?

LUNA: Why else would you talk to me?

RON: You're hot.

LUNA: Actually, I thought I was about room temperature...

RON: I love you!

LUNA: I love crumple horned snorkacks.

RON: I want to be with you forever!

LUNA: I want to be a gnome hunter.

RON: I'm choosing you over Hermione!

LUNA: I think I'll choose chocolate pudding later.

RON: -sigh- This is ridiculous.

LUNA: You're mom's ridiculous!

RON: Um...

They kiss.

HERMIONE: Damn. Well, I guess I'll go back to Chapter One.

HARRY: But I have Ginny.

GINNY: Threesome!

**SORRY! For the long update, I mean. My computer broke :( I was miserable. **

**If you review... well, I can't give you anything physically, but I will give you waves of affection and adoration! YAY! :)**

**Haha. Next up- Ginny x Draco!**


	8. GxD

**Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! And sorry about the long update again, I had to visit my college campus for a while, and I've done nothing but sleep since I got back : **

**Hopefully I'll be able to update asap, but don't count on it. My computer is really, really slow and my brain isn't working that well XD**

Ginny x Draco

WEASLEY BOYS: Okay, little Ginny, it's time for you to go to bed!

GINNY: Erm...

WEASLEY BOYS: Go on! Go wash up and get cozy in your dorm!

GINNY: -runs-

-outside on Quidditch feild-

DRACO: -flying- Woohoo! I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!

GINNY: Oh man, he's hot. I'll bet my suddenly over-protective brothers would never approve of my sudden attraction for this blond guy... which makes me want him more! OY, BLOND BABE!

DRACO: Who is summoning me? Ah, a peasant! -flies down- O worthy maiden, what is thou concern?

GINNY: Don't get all romantic with me, I love your hardcore personality! And I like it rough!!

DRACO: Oh snap!

-they make out-

HARRY: -in a sing song voice- Dearest Ginny! Your mother taught me how to knit, and I made you a sweater!

GINNY: -continues snogging Draco-

HARRY: HEY! Don't ignore me! Stop screwing around with the ferret and come back to me!

DRACO: -gives Harry the finger-

HARRY: Oh no you didn't!

-Harry is hit with several curses and falls to the ground. Ginny and Draco laugh maniacally-

DRACO: I'm da bomb!

GINNY: You went from Shakespeare to gangsta? That's sexy.

DRACO: Dayummm!

GINNY: So, now we should my brothers about us, since Harry will when he wakes up anyway.

RON: -pops a blood vessel-

OTHER WEASLEY BOYS: Uh, we dislike the fact that you're dating this scum.

GINNY: He's not scum! He's _blond_!

WEASLEY BOYS: Well, that changes everything! We accept you and your nasty ways!

DRACO: Gee, thanks.

-Ginny and Draco get married, have lots of little blond and red-head babies, and live to a very ripe, old age-

HARRY: -wakes up- I wonder what Ginny's up to...

**Heh. Draco/Ginny is so very wrong. I like Harry/Ginny 'cause they're cute together. Anyway, review!**

**Oh, and I made a poll for all of you :D It's to vote on who should be the next couple in this story... so what are you waiting for? Hit the review button, then go vote!**


	9. HxR

**Thanks to the FIVE voters who voted, here's the next chapter.**

Harry x Ron

HARRY: Let's play Quidditch!

RON: Hells yeah!

-Quidditch pitch-

HARRY: Imma get the SNITCH!

RON: Listen, Harry-

HARRY: Imma chase it 'round the world!

RON: Uh, mate?

HARRY: WOOHOO!!

RON: HARRY!

HARRY: Sup, dude?

RON: I'm, like, infatuated with you!

HARRY: Why?

RON: Well, uh, because I am!

HARRY: What about Hermione?

RON: She doesn't have a hot dog.

HARRY: What the Voldemort?! I thought Hermy was a man!

HERMIONE: Hey!

-Ron and Harry make out-

HERMIONE: -sigh- Oh well. He wasn't that great of a kisser anyway.

HARRY: OMD Ron is the best kisser ever!!

RON: -blushes- Nah.

HARRY: Yes you are! Now you really are my best MATE!

HOGWARTS TEACHERS/STUDENTS: Ha ha. You're funny.

HARRY: Screw you all.

**ACK! I'm so sorry about the long update. My computer broke and we had to get a new one and it was horrible bc it took so long to get it ready.**

**But I'm back and I'm writing! AND you can review again! ;**

**I updated the poll, so go vote when you're done reviewing on who the next couple should be!**


	10. SrxSn

**And the winners are...**

Sirius x Snape

SIRIUS: Whoa, I'm bushed. I think I'm going to ask Snivellus to make me a perk-me-up potion.

SNAPE: No.

SIRIUS: Whyyyyyyy?

SNAPE: BECAUSE I hate you. And you're old.

SIRIUS: We're the same age.

SNAPE:...

SIRIUS: Make me the potion!

SNAPE: -grumble-

-Snape makes the potion. Sirius drinks it-

SIRIUS: Ahhh, much better. Thanks, Sevy.

SNAPE: -snicker-

SIRIUS', ERM, BANANA: -KASPROING!!-

SIRIUS: WHOA! My, erm, banana just became large!

SNAPE: Ha!

SIRIUS: You insensitive wart! I asked for a PERK-me-up potion, not a JERK-me-up!

SNAPE: I know. MWAHAHA!

SIRIUS: Why would you do such a mean thing?

SNAPE: Because I love you.

SIRIUS: Oh snap!

SNAPE: Make love to me!

SIRIUS: Uhm, that would be totally awkward.

SNAPE: I don't care that you've been picking on me for many, many, many, many years, just do me DOGGY STYLE!

SIRIUS: -gasp- You said the D word!

SNAPE: So?

SIRIUS: That's the magic word! I'm yours forever!

SNAPE: Oh chyeahyeah.

-They leave to have some pretty gross, greasy, hairy dog sex-

HARRY: Uh... ew?

**Le barf. I hate Snape so much. Ick.**

**Review! Review!**


	11. F'nGxHr

**Drum roll, please! drum roll**

Fred 'n George x Hermione

HERMIONE: Well, la dee da, here I am strolling through a bookshop! Oh, look! An erotic novel!

-starts to read-

HERMIONE: Wow, it's getting me all, like, hot and bothered! I wish there were someone, or someTWO, who could satisfy my sudden, uncontrollable horniness!

FRED 'N GEORGE: -pop out of book shelves- Hiya, Hermy!

HERMIONE: Like, WOW! Just what I needed! Would you two care to come back to my hotel room that I'm staying in for no reason whatsoever?

FRED 'N GEORGE: And betray our younger brother by having hot book-horny sex with the girl he is madly in love with?

HERMIONE: Hells yeah!

FRED 'N GEORGE: Well, alrighty then!

-the retreat back to Hermione's pad and have a threesome-

FRED 'N GEORGE: 'Cause this isn't awkward at all, having my twin brother doing the same lady as me at the same time!

HERMIONE: I thought you shared everything?

FRED 'N GEORGE: -grumble-

RON: HERMIONE! FRED 'N GEORGE! How could you do this to ME?!

HERMIONE: You know what? Your twin brothers aren't that great in bed. So, even though you totally caught me in the act of breaking your heart with your kin, and it would get totally weird during Christmas parties with the four of us together, will you take me back?

RON: Of course, my little bookworm!

HERMIONE: Now, where did I put that book?

-they skip off to Ron's pad to have hot, canon sex-

FRED 'N GEORGE: Well... uhm... Cho?

CHO: Ha. No.

**Ok ok ok ok ok ok, I know you're all ready to shoot me -hides from guns- but I hope this chapter made you laugh. I'm pretty happy with the way it came out.**

**Review! And vote on who should be the next couple! I'll check the poll everyday, and on Sunday I'll use the winner. That gives you guys 6 days. Go!**


	12. VxH

Voldemort x Harry

HARRY: My, oh, my! The sky is blue, birds are chirping, and... GASP! Voldie is staring at me from a bush!

VOLDEMORT: Damn. I didn't think you would see me.

HARRY: It's a shrub, and you're an evil, snake-like, full-grown man with red eyes that can barely fit behind it.

VOLDEMORT: I've been there for ages and no one's found me before.

HARRY: Well, I'm Harry Potter.

VOLDEMORT:...

HARRY:...

VOLDEMORT: I guess I'll kill you now...

HARRY: NEVER! -swings from tree-

VOLDEMORT: Ava-... -sigh- I can't do it.

HARRY: -pauses- Why?

VOLDEMORT: You're just too handsome to kill!

HARRY: Wha-?

VOLDEMORT: Hiss hiss spit ack hiss!

AUTHOR: Speak in English, please. The readers can't understand Parseltongue.

VOLDEMORT: Er, right. -waves at readers- Sorry!

HARRY: Anyway, I don't care how hot you think I am, we can never be together!

VOLDEMORT: But WHY?!

HARRY: 1. There's a prophecy that says one of us has to kill each other. 2. You killed my parents. 3. I end up killing you in the seventh book. 4. You and your Death Eaters kill my friends and acquaintances. 5. I marry Ginny Weasley. 6. You're like 50 years older than me. 7. It's just wrong, YOU NASTY!

VOLDEMORT: -hangs head in defeat- I guess you're right. I can't be in a relationship where my partner ends up killing me in the end of the series.

HARRY: UNLESS you call off all this I-want-to-rule-the-world-and-screw-Muggles-crap and become a normal person, then we can't be together.

VOLDEMORT: Well, I'll never change my evil ways!

DUMBLEDORE: -arises from dead- AVADA KEDAVRA!

VOLDEMORT: NOO! -dies-

HARRY: WTV! NOOO! I was kidding, come back, I LOVE YOU!

DUMBLEDORE: That's just sick, Harry. Come, I'll make you a spot of tea while I tell you about my nights with Grindelwald.

HARRY: -cries-

JAMES POTTER I: What. The. Hell.

LILY POTTER I: -facepalm-

**... -comes out from under desk- Sorry? Ah, what the hell, I deserve flames for this horrible chapter, my horrible too-long-for-anyone-to-still-care-about-this update, and my horrible apology skills.**

**If anyone does review, I will be eternally grateful! OMG I would love you forever!**

**So... please review?**


	13. HrxG

Hermione x Ginny

HERMIONE: La dee da! Mornin' Weasleys and Harry!

WEASLEY'S AND HARRY: Sup?

GINNY: -stares-

HERMIONE: Oh my Snuffles, it's hot. -rips off clothing- Anyone care to take a walk with me in the nude?

GINNY: -runs to join her, leaving her clothes in a pile- I'M IN!

-outside-

GNOMES: Naked girls? RIGHT ON!

HERMIONE: WTV? Gnomes are such perves.

GNOMES: Screw you, bitch.

GINNY: -junk punches all the gnomes-

GNOMES: NOOOOOO...

HERMIONE: Wanna make out?

GINNY: I didn't know you rolled that way!

HERMIONE: Well... yeah. Do you?

GINNY: Hells yeah!

-they make out-

HARRY: -from window- Ron, check this out, this is hot!

RON: AHHH!! MY EYES!!!

HARRY: Oh. I forgot that's your sister.

RON: This is worse than seeing YOU with Hermione in chapter one!

HARRY: Hey, I was high in that chapter. Blame the weed.

RON: Stupid weed.

-outside-

GINNY: Ron and Harry are watching us.

HERMIONE: Ha, wanna see them do something funny? -whispers in ear-

GINNY: FLIP YES!

-in the house-

HARRY: What are they doing?

RON'S EYES: -bleeding-

HERMIONE AND GINNY: -do, er, graphic, lesbiany things-

RON: -faints-

HARRY: -runs out to join them-

**So, this chapter was kinda... pervy. Haha. But every story about Ginny and Hermione is pretty much a lemon, you know? So yeah.**

**Sorry for the long wait, AGAIN, but, hey, it's less than a few months ;)**

**THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH to everyone who remained loyal to the story and reviewed! -cries- You guys are awesome!!**

**I just have one favor to ask of you. After you review could you vote on the poll on who you want to be next? There was a tie between HrxG and HxD, so I picked out of a hat. I need more distinguished results!**

**I LOVE YOU ALL!!! -hands out Harry Potter cookies-**


	14. RsxSc

Rose x Scorpius

RON: Don't fall in love with Sylvestor!

SCORPIUS: Um, it's Scorpius, but whatever.

DRACO: Don't fall in love with Rose!

-at Hogwarts-

ALBUS: Hey, I'm in Slytherin, even though I was TERRIFIED to be in that House! These next seven years are gonna SUCK!

ROSE: Shut up, this is about Samuel and I falling in love.

SCORPIUS: Um, it's Scorpius, but whatever.

ROSE: Scorpion?

SCORPIUS: Scorpius.

ROSE: ...Really?

SCORPIUS: -sigh- Yeah. Apparently my family has a weird taste for freaky names. That, or JK Rowling really likes looking at constellations.

EVERYONE: -gasp- How DARE you bash the almight JK Rowling!

SCORPIUS: I wasn't bashing, I was-

EVERYONE: -splodez-

SCORPIUS: Ugh.

ROSE: Y'know, you're pretty hot.

SCORPIUS: Thanks, you're pretty shmexy yourself.

ROSE: My dad would kill me if I fall in love with you, though.

SCORPIUS: Mine too. But it's too late.

ROSE: I love you, Salvatore!

SCORPIUS: It's SCORPIUS!

ROSE: Geez, don't get your knickers in a twist.

SCORPIUS: -grumble-

RON: Rose! I told you not to fall in love with this guy!

ROSE: I don't care, Dad! I love him!

RON: -sigh- I guess I have no choice. Welcome to the family, Sasquatch.

SCORPIUS: -facepalm-

**Bahahaha I love Scorpius. I think he's awesome, which is weird bc I hate Draco. -shrugs- Oh well.**

**Review! Rejoice!**

**And vote on the poll thingy. Ok, I'm going to go finish Twilight (I've already read it 23 times, hehe) and then it's off to bed!**

**Remember: More reviews equals happier author, and happier author equals semi-faster updates ;)**


	15. HxSn

Harry x Snape (-shudders-)

HARRY: That wasn't nice.

AUTHOR: Shut up. I can make you do anything I want, so you better be good.

HARRY: Yes ma'am!

SNAPE: Potter! What are you doing here, in my office... with no clothes on?

HARRY: DAMN YOU, AUTHOR!

AUTHOR: -snickers-

SNAPE: Um, you know, I have some of that Firewhiskey that I know you love.

HARRY: Do you have cookies?

SNAPE: ...Do you _like_ cookies?

HARRY: COOKIES!!!!

SNAPE: Then, yes, I do have cookies.

HARRY: YIPPEEE!

SNAPE: Follow me.

-Snape leads Harry deeper into the dungeons-

EVERYONE: Ohh, suspense.

SNAPE: -hands Harry a cookie- Eat.

HARRY: -glomps cookie-

SNAPE: Hee.

HARRY'S HAIR: -becomes long and red-

HARRY: WTV?!

SIRIUS: Stop giving weird potions to people just to satisfy your every perverted want!

HARRY: Snape, I have to admit that behind the greasiness, the oldness, and the fact you loved my mother, you are really a nice guy.

SNAPE: Thank you, Potter.

HARRY: But, if we're going to be in love, you need to love me for ME, not my eyes/mother's characteristics I inherited.

SNAPE: Damn. That's all I liked you for.

HARRY: -sniffle-

SNAPE: You made me realize this is wrong. I don't want to go to jail for being with a minor.

HARRY: You were with Hermione before.

SNAPE: Yes, well...

HARRY: Whatever. I'll never love you anyway.

SNAPE: Can I just... take a picture of you like that?

HARRY: -sigh- FINE. -grumbles- Nasty perve...

SNAPE: What was that?

HARRY: Nothing!

-Snape takes picture-

HARRY: I'll be off now...

SNAPE: -cuddles with picture-

**Ha, two updates in two days! I'm on a roll! :)**

**I love you all for reviewing, I really really do. They mean sooo much to me. -sniff- 'Scuse me...**

**Heh. So there's this girl, her name is Broken Moony Black, and she is organizing this roleplay thing on MSN for characters in the Marauder era. She needs people to join in, since so far... it's only her and I. She's Remus and I'm Lily. So go to my profile (after you review, of course) and click on the link for more info. It's pretty awesome!**

**pshhhh yeahh is outta here.**


	16. RxLi

Remus x Lily

REMUS: Ah, Lily. Words cannot express my true feelings for you.

LILY: Then actions, my dear Rem-Rem. Show me the depths of your affection through _actions_!

REMUS: I can do no such thing, my love, for James is my best friend...

LILY: I don't care about him!

JAMES: -is clueless-

SIRIUS: Duuuuuuude. Who would've expected you would nail Lily before Prongsy here?

REMUS: Shut up.

LILY: Ignore them, my Lunar Lover. Let's run away so we can be together forever!

REMUS: As you command, my Frugal Flower!

REMUS AND LILY: -skip away into sunset-

JAMES: -still clueless- WTV just happened?

PETER: Aww. -pats James' head- He just doesn't know how to cope.

SIRIUS: I still can't believe Moony won the girl!

-in sunset-

LILY: Do you think this will have any effect on the seven Harry Potter books?

REMUS: Nah. Except instead of playing Quidditch, he'll be half-wolf and eat a raw steak every now and then.

LILY: Oh, okay.

-with Marauders-

SIRIUS: Fellatio!

AUTHOR AND BROKEN MOONY BLACK: -snicker-

JAMES: -STILL clueless- You think I should ask Lily if I could do that to her?

PETER: I think Moony beat you on that.

JAMES: Moony? Where is he, anyway?

PETER: -facepalm-

SIRIUS: -looks into sunset- He's over there having sex with your Lilyflower.

JAMES: Think I could join?

REMUS AND LILY: NO!

SIRIUS: You were just OWNED, Prongs.

JAMES: I guess I'm stuck with solo smut from now on.

SIRIUS: Sounds shmexy...

REMUS: -comes back- You do NOT steal our activities!

LILY: But Remus, we don't need to have solo smut anymore.

REMUS: -grumble-

JAMES: Just leave me alone already, jeez.

SIRIUS: Siriusly.

EVERYONE: ...

SIRIUS: What?

PETER: You can't use that, it makes you seem egotistical.

LILY: Well, his ego IS pretty big...

REMUS: And how would you know that?!

LILY: Sheesh, relax, I said EGO.

JAMES: What did you think she said?

REMUS: -grumble-

PETER: Since the story is messed up now, am I still the one that betrays you to Voldie?

SIRIUS: No, you don't have the balls to do that.

PETER: But I did when Lily married James!

JAMES: That's because my awesomeness was too much for you.

JAMES' ARROGANCE: -has reached it's peak-

DUMBLEDORE: The next traitor is... ME!

EVERYONE: -GASP-

VOLDIE: It's a pleasure to have you on my side, Albus. Please, sit down and have some tea.

DUMBLEDORE: Thank you, Tom.

MARAUDERS: WTV?

HARRY: -comes from future- OY. What the HELL is going on? Why am I part wolf and am strangely obsessed with raw steaks?

LILY: Aw, Remus, isn't he precious?

REMUS: He sure is. -coo's- He has your eyes, Wiwy. Duh wittle boy has your eyes!

HARRY: -goes back to future-

PETER: Why is this chapter more messed up than usual?

SIRIUS: Because the author is a cynnical freak and is talking to Broken Moony Black as we speak, who is poetically horny.

JAMES: CURSE YOU, BROKEN MOONY BLACK!

BROKEN MOONY BLACK: "If you said 'screw you' instead of 'curse you', and secretly you were Remus, then I'd be like YEAHH. But you're not, so I wont and I'll sit here all alone singing loves songs for no apparant reason. Yeah. -dances- Wooo, damn you, pshhhh yeahh. Muhahaha. WTV? I'll shut up now."

LILY: KEEP AWAY FROM MY REM-REM!

BROKEN MOONY BLACK: Die, bish, he's mine! -draws a pickle-

LILY: -gets pickle chips and uses them like ninja stars-

MARAUDERS: ...

BMB AND LILY: -fight to the death-

REMUS: I can share...?

BMB AND LILY: NO!

REMUS: -sigh-

**Ahaha. My new favorite ship :) Anyway, I want EXTRA reviews, because TODAY is my BIRTHDAY and it will make me happy to see them all.**

**If you don't review... Well, I can't exactly do anything about that, but I'll be upset. And no one wants to see someone upset on their birthday, do they? -puppy dogs eyes-**

**AND those words in quotes from Broken Moony Black are actually from Broken Moony Black. So blame her for the extra weirdness XD**

**Ah, frugal. -bursts out laughing- And fellatio. -falls to floor laughing-**

**Yeah, I'm not explaining any of this. Just review :)**


	17. HxDm

**I don't even know where this came from...**

Harry x Dumbledore

HARRY: Professor Dumbledore is dead! Because of SNAPE! The world is doomed! -cries-

DUMBLEDORE: Oh, Harry, whatever are you doing, storming around in my office and crying?

HARRY: -spazes- WTV? Why aren't you dead?

DUMBLEDORE: Why would I be dead?

HARRY: I saw Snape Avada Kedavra you!

DUMBLEDORE: ...No you didn't.

HARRY: YES I DID! I was there and you Stunned me so I wouldn't be caught, and then Snape KILLED YOU!

DUMBLEDORE: ...

HARRY: ...

DUMBLEDORE: ...

HARRY: ...

DUMBLEDORE: -sings- All eyes on me, in the center of the ring, just like a circus...

HARRY: -facepalm- FINE. You were never dead. Now kiss me!

DUMBLEDORE: 'Scuse me?

HARRY: I love you.

DUMBLEDORE: Harry, I think you need rest.

HARRY: -cries- NO! I LOVE YOU!

DUMBLEDORE: Stupefy!

HARRY: -is stupefied-

DUMBLEDORE: -sings- I'm like a firecracker.. I make it HOT!

SNAPE: Ah, Dumbledore. You're back from the dead.

DUMBLEDORE: ...-facepalm- Whatever, I don't care why everyone thinks I was dead. 'Cause obviously I'm not. Anyway, I have a present for you. -kicks Harry's body towards him-

SNAPE: -sneers- Now... -waves wand-

HARRY'S HAIR: -is long and red-

SNAPE: Back to Chapter 15, yes?

DUMBLEDORE: -sings- Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor, just like a circus... -POOF-

**Idk if you can tell... but I'm kind of obsessed with Circus by Britney Spears right now. Some of you are probably like LE GASP! While others are probably like SQUEE! But whatever. I like Britney, I think she's awesome.**

**Anyway... no explanation for this chapter either. I just wrote this in ten minutes while waiting for SOMEONE -glares at bmb- to return from whatever she was doing. **

**RIPPER! :)**

**Oh, and thanks for all the bday wishes people. REVIEW!**


	18. SxB

Sirius x Bellatrix

SIRIUS: I hate being back at this house, even though I ran away with the intention of never coming back years ago.

BELLATRIX: -in the corner mumbling- Must.. kill... non-purebloods...

SIRIUS: Yo Bella.

BELLATRIX: -glares-

SIRIUS: You look hot.

BELLATRIX: -still glares-

SIRIUS: I don't care that we're cousins. Wanna go fool around?

BELLATRIX: Dude, I-

EVERYONE: SHE SPEAKS!

BELLATRIX: ...Anywho, I would, but you see... I don't partake in incest, though many people believe I am that sick and twisted.

SIRIUS: But, Bella.. you ARE sick and twisted.

BELLATRIX: ... -shrugs- Good point.

SIRIUS: So...?

BELLATRIX: Skay.

-BLACKCEST!-

SIRIUS: Once you go Black, you never go back.

BELLATRIX: I've been Black my whole life, you idiot.

SIRIUS: -grumbles-

BELLATRIX: Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go hex your blood-traitor friends.

MARAUDERS: NOOO! SIRIUS HELLLLLP!

SIRIUS: Wait, Bella! I can't let you do this!

BELLATRIX: I'll partake in some more Blackcest if you let me...

SIRIUS: ...Carry on.

REGULAS: Dude. That's just wrong on so many levels.

**Yeah. Thank GryffindorPrincessNumbers. :) Review please.**


	19. SxJ

James x Sirius

SIRIUS: Prooooooooooooongs!

JAMES: Hmm?

SIRIUS: Prooooooooooooooooooooooooongs!

JAMES: What?

SIRIUS: PROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGS!

JAMES: WHAT PADFOOT?!

SIRIUS: If I had long, red hair and green eyes, would you love me?

JAMES: What kind of a question is that?

SIRIUS: You wouldn't even give me a chance! -sobs-

JAMES: -weird look-

LILY: Potter, I don't love you. I never have, never will and you're wasting your time. You might as well go to Sirius, since he obviously wants you, judging by the tent in his pants.

SIRIUS' PANTS: -tented-

JAMES: Righteous.

EVERYONE: What?

JAMES: I love you Paddy!

SIRIUS: I love you too, Prongsie!

JAMES AND SIRIUS: -hot make out session-

SIRIUS' FANGIRLS: -glare at Prongs-

REMUS: -comes in- Ladies, ladies, there's enough Marauder for everyone.

FANGIRLS: -walk away crying-

REMUS: Ah well. Lily, shall we go back a few chapters and resume our togetherness?

LILY: Only if BMB has her pickles ready.

JAMES AND SIRIUS: -deerdog sex-

**Heh. So. First chapter of the new year, I guess. Sorry for the long update. I've been... sidetracked. -grins-**

**So, on a happier note... nejbgilowakjhbgxtyusiaojwendbceghjwks. That's how excited I've been for like, the past week. WOOT!**

**Review when you're done so I know that people are still reading this. If you do, you get a hairbrush. Or a red, stuffed dog. Your choice. -winks-**

**Squeak.**


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